The woman caller from a locality in western Ahmedabad alleged that her husband had beaten her after a heated argument. After speaking with the couple, the Abhayam team found that the feud had been fuelled by alleged paranoia over mobile phone.
“The woman reportedly would take her husband’s phone after he went to bed and go through all his messages, social media posts, history of video consumption and call logs,” said a counsellor who attended the case.”He said his wife had not been getting adequate sleep for over a month as she would stay up all night going through the phone’s contents and raise an issue in the morning over a specific call or post,” the counsellor further said, adding that the man tried but failed to convince her to seek psychological help.
“We have told the husband that domestic violence is unacceptable and have also counselled the woman not to be paranoid and seek help if she feels under duress.”
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This is just one such case. Data from the Abhayam helpline indicates that distress calls related to extramarital affairs have risen 2.5 times over the past five years. At about 750 calls a month from Gujarat, it was the third most common cause after domestic violence and harassment to ring up the helpline.
But the helpline is also attending to an average of one or two cases daily from the state where counsellors suggest psychological counselling couples where both or either spouse develops paranoia over mobile phone contents.
Falguni Patel, coordinator for the helpline, said that it is mostly working women who face seemingly controlling behaviour by their spouses.
“We have several cases where women are constantly under scrutiny – their spouses asking them why they were getting calls from a male colleague after office hours, why did they chat with someone on WhatsApp or why did they like or comment on a social media post. Today, phones are an extension of a person, and we often advise couples to develop trust so that they do not have to seek answers from mobile devices,” Patel said.
‘Mobiles are a common reason for discord’
Falguni Patel, coordinator for the helpline added that during the pandemic, when work from home became a norm, many cases of extramarital affairs came to the fore.
“In several cases, the husband or the wife first develop suspicion, then obsession which later turns into paranoia. They start dissecting the minutest of details such as call duration, and new friends or followers on social media platforms. In such cases, we advise them to seek help from psychologists,” she said.
Dr Hansal Bhachech, a city-based psychiatrist, said that mobile phones have become an increasingly common reason for discord in the past couple of years. “Spouses are installing software to know the location of their partners, or they mirror their phones to keep a tab on chats on platforms such as WhatsApp. They often demand passwords and record calls. But in the long run, the distrust doesn’t help to salvage a relationship,” he said.
He added that if the partners have nothing to hide, it is a better strategy to keep the devices open. “The definition of personal boundaries could be different for all couples. But if a husband or wife is suspecting something and if they do not get satisfactory answers, their paranoia is not going anywhere. It is always advisable to quell their curiosity and instil a sense of trust,” he said.